


Told You I'm Not A Method Actor

by Endelda, NostalgiaKick



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Gen, Season/Series 04 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-19 23:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19365943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endelda/pseuds/Endelda, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NostalgiaKick/pseuds/NostalgiaKick
Summary: A night at Lux takes an unexpected twist.





	1. Chapter 1

**Prologue**

Maze punched the button for the elevator, growling impatiently under her breath at the length of time it took to arrive. Lucifer’s trace had disappeared completely; every second counted. What had happened? Had one of the other demons managed to avoid them at the Mayan? Had he met with some kind of accident? 

She charged out of the elevator as soon as it arrived on the penthouse floor, turning sideways to slip between the barely-open doors.

“Lucifer?” she called.

The penthouse was silent; looking around, she spotted the blonde figure that could only be Chloe huddled in one of the leather armchairs and walked towards her.

“Decker, have you seen—”

She cut herself off as she took in Chloe’s slumped posture and wet cheeks, her wide, staring eyes fixed on a feather of purest white that could only have come from one of Lucifer’s wings.

Suddenly Maze knew exactly what had happened.

“He went back, didn’t he?”

**Chapter 1**

Ella Lopez grinned to herself as she spotted her friends. Lucifer was standing at the bar, one arm around Chloe’s waist and a glass in his other hand as he talked to Maze, who had a slightly disgusted look on her face. Six months apart had apparently done wonders for their relationship— Chloe and Lucifer hadn’t wasted any time getting together since his return two weeks ago from… wherever he’d been.

“Hey guys!” she greeted them as she got within earshot.

“Miss Lopez!” Lucifer beamed at her, then turned to the bartender, who quickly delivered Ella’s favorite drink. That was definitely a perk of partying at Lux with Lucifer present; he didn’t even think twice about making sure his friends’ drinks were on the house.

“Hey Ella.”

Ella waved a hand at Chloe in reply as she sipped appreciatively at the margarita she’d been given and slid onto the bar stool that had just been vacated next to them. “Mm. Cheers for another case closed, guys.” She held her glass up, waiting for Lucifer and Chloe to raise their drinks before taking another sip. “Three in two weeks! You guys still got it.” She grinned into her drink as Lucifer and Chloe smiled at each other, making Maze roll her eyes and gulp what was left in her glass. They really were cute together— an opinion Maze apparently didn’t share. 

***

“Chloe, come dance!” Ella tugged on Chloe’s wrist, trying to drag her to the dance floor. Chloe shook her head, aware of Lucifer’s chuckle in her ear. “Go on, Detective,” he encouraged.

“Maybe later. Besides,” she pointed out, “Lucifer is supposed to sing in a few minutes.”

As if on cue, the bartender, Leonard, handed Lucifer another glass, but leant over and murmured something to him as well.

“Oh, right, yes.” He swallowed the whiskey in the glass and set it back down on the bar. “Duty calls.” He kissed Chloe gently before releasing her. “Back in a few.” Lucifer turned to head towards the piano and was stopped by a stranger. Over the music, Chloe couldn’t catch what the man said - only Lucifer’s reply.

“Sorry, but you’ll have to come back later. I’m a bit busy.”

His face contorting with rage, the stranger made a wild grab for Maze and missed as she twisted lithely out of his grasp, his hand snagging one of the curved daggers she habitually carried instead. Before Chloe could react, the stranger had his arm around Ella’s throat, the dagger held out in front of him menacingly.

One of the guests saw the commotion from the corner of her eye and screamed when she spotted the knife. Immediately, the crowd parted to give the small group at the bar a wide berth, then people started stampeding for the exit. 

***

Lucifer stepped forward, as did Maze; the man holding Ella brought the knife up, close to her throat. Lucifer stopped abruptly, gesturing for Maze to do the same. Beside him, Chloe was ready to take advantage of any opening to get Miss Lopez away from her captor; for once Lucifer found himself wishing that she had actually been working. At least that way she’d have her gun on her.

“Easy,” Lucifer warned the attacker, holding out his hands in a placatory manner. “Let the young lady go.”

“You didn’t even listen!” the attacker hissed, holding the blade out in front of him again.

Lucifer nodded. “You’re right, I didn’t. But put the knife down, let her go, and we’ll talk, hm?”

There was a crash of breaking glass from the far side of the club; one of the fleeing patrons had cannoned into one of the waitresses, making her drop her tray. Lucifer took advantage of the goon’s momentary distraction, leaping forward and grabbing his wrist, squeezing until he yelped in pain and released the knife. He slackened his hold on Miss Lopez; she twisted out of his grip, driving an elbow into his side for good measure before coughing and rubbing at her neck. Mentally Lucifer gave her a tick of approval, distracted by the knowledge that he’d been cut.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” The stranger reached for Lucifer, his hands trembling. He drew back indecisively, a fluttering, fidgeting cross between nervous terror and useless impotence.

Lucifer tilted his head in a mixture of exasperation and menace. “Now is that any way to ask for a favour—” He cut off, suddenly aware that the pain was considerably more acute than it should’ve been from a simple scratch, and glanced down. The sight of the hilt sticking out of his side gave him pause. “Six months in Hell without a scratch, and I can’t get through two weeks on Earth without getting stabbed,” he muttered. 

The full import of the curved hilt sank through the annoyance he felt and he scowled, recognising the blade that had been forged from one of his own feathers.

“Bollocks.”


	2. Chapter 2

Maze reacted first, grabbing Lucifer’s attacker as he stood staring at the knife in horror and twisting his arm up behind his back until he yelped in pain.

“I’m hurting this one,” she snarled.

Chloe jumped forward as Lucifer started to crumple, supporting him and guiding him onto a bar stool before flipping the edge of his jacket out of the way and wincing. “Thought you’d learned your lesson about tackling somebody with a knife,” she murmured, trying to cover her rising fear. He chuckled in response as she looked back up, her mind racing. They needed to help Lucifer first; the guy who’d stabbed him could wait. 

“Maze.” She tried to pull the demon’s attention away from the guy she was now regarding as prey. “Maze!”

“What?” Maze demanded, turning towards her.

Chloe gestured at the curved dagger protruding from Lucifer’s flank, blood already beginning to pool around the wound. Ella gasped, her hand dropping from the red mark left across her throat that she’d been rubbing.

“Oh my god, Lucifer!” Ella exclaimed in alarm.

Lucifer snorted quietly, reaching for the dagger embedded in his flesh and gripping it.

“Don’t pull it out!” Chloe warned him before looking at Maze. “It’s okay. He’ll be okay, right?”

“I’ll be fine, just let me at that imbecile,” Lucifer put in.

Chloe ignored him. “I’ll just go and he’ll start healing,” Chloe said a bit frantically as she reflexively started heading for the door.

Maze shook her head. “That’s not gonna work this time. The knife was one of mine.”

Chloe closed her eyes for a second in thought, then nodded sharply. “Demon steel. Right. Okay, the hospital then.”

Maze shook her head. “That’s not gonna work either.” She glanced around, taking in the looks they were getting from the few remaining patrons of the club. “We’re attracting too much attention. Let’s get him upstairs.”

Chloe nodded, ducking under one of Lucifer’s arms and helping him to his feet. He leaned most of his weight on her, causing her knees to buckle. 

“Ella. Ella!” Chloe got the shellshocked forensic scientist’s attention. “Help me with Lucifer, will you?”

They half-walked, half-dragged Lucifer across the club and up the stairs, Maze bringing up the rear with her captive, stubbornly ignoring the stares and chatter of the remaining club-goers. 

They settled Lucifer on the couch in the penthouse as gently as they could, Chloe grimacing at the extent of his injury. She put as much pressure as she could on the wound, apologising as he groaned in pain.

“If taking him to the hospital won’t work, what will?” she asked Maze. 

Maze thought for a moment. “He needs something divine— Chloe, the feather!”

“What?”

“Do you still have the feather?” Maze asked, sounding almost anxious for once.

“Yeah, in my drawer at home, why?” Chloe told her in confusion.

“It’ll heal him.” 

Chloe gave her a disbelieving look. 

“Trust me, I’ve done it before.” Maze insisted.

Chloe looked down at Lucifer, who nodded weakly. “Okay. Ella?”

“Yeah Chloe?”

“I need you to take over. Keep pressure on the wound, and let him have a drink if he wants one, it’ll help with the pain.” Chloe ordered briskly as she moved away from her place next to Lucifer’s reclining form and made room for the younger woman.

Ella came over uncertainly, placing her hands over Lucifer’s wound as Chloe took hers away, avoiding the dagger that was still buried in his flesh. 

Leaning over Lucifer, Chloe kissed him deeply, his hand coming up to cup her cheek. 

“I love you,” she told him fiercely. “Don’t die before I get back.”

She strode to the elevator, hearing Ella’s voice behind her. 

“Where are you going?”

“To save his life.”

***

Chloe gunned the engine and peeled her police cruiser out onto the street… then groaned. Friday night on the Strip was its usual chaos, with taxis, ubers and private cars galore. Exasperatedly she flicked on her lights and sirens, knowing she could potentially get in trouble for using them while off duty, but…

But. This was literally a matter of life or death. Lucifer’s life. 

He’d been losing blood quickly, faster than he had when he’d been shot during the siege at Lux, and he’d come terrifyingly close to dying then. She clamped down on the cold fear that gripped her, putting her foot down as soon as the traffic cleared enough. 

She knew exactly where the feather was; in a locked box buried in the top drawer of her nightstand, hidden carefully away from Trixie. 

In the six months of Lucifer’s absence, the feather had become a kind of personal talisman; a tangible fragment of the man she loved. Since he’d come home a bare two weeks earlier, Chloe had thought of returning the feather to him. Now she was glad she hadn’t done it. 

She threw the car around a corner; for a sickening moment, the rear end lost traction, swinging out as Chloe fought the steering wheel. Back under control, she shook her head, telling herself not to push it so hard. This would be the worst possible time to be in a crash.

***

Maze added one more strip of duct tape to the restraints binding her captive’s hands and gave a satisfied half-smile. Ordinarily she’d skip straight to punishment, but this time she had to help try and keep Lucifer alive long enough for Decker to get back here. She glanced over to the couch and rolled her eyes. The human— Ellen? Ella?— was panicking, her face nearly as pale as Lucifer’s. Maze stalked to the bar and poured a large glass of whiskey, carrying it over to the couch and pressing it into Lucifer’s hand.

“Thank you,” he murmured, attempting to sit up and take a sip. Maze nodded in reply, taking note of the spreading pool of blood on the leather underneath him. That was Italian leather, he was going to be pissed. She gave his shoulder a brief, reassuring squeeze before going down the hallway, coming back to the living room with an armful of towels from the linen closet.

“Here.” She thrust one at the human, pleased to see she at least had enough sense to use it to keep pressure on the wound, using the rest to start soaking up some of the blood. “Lucifer, you’re bleeding like a stuck pig.”

***

“Maze, we really need to call an ambulance.” Ella insisted in a worried tone.

“No!” Lucifer and Maze chorused. 

“No ambulance, Miss Lopez.” Lucifer said in an eerily calm voice. “It wouldn’t do any good. The Detective will be back soon.”

Ella pressed a little harder on the wound in her distress, earning a muted grunt from the dying man. “I don’t understand any of this! I don’t understand why you won’t let me call an ambulance, and I don’t understand how a _feather_ is supposed to stop you bleeding to death!”

Lucifer patted the back of her hand where it was pressed against his stomach. “The dagger was made of demon steel, Miss Lopez. Human medicine can’t help.”

Ella barked out a laugh that had a touch of hysteria in it. “You’re crazy! This is _crazy!_ ”

Lucifer smiled at her and shook his head the barest bit. “I’m not crazy, Miss Lopez. There’s a lot—“ he coughed, grimacing in pain. “There’s a lot going on that you don’t understand.” He paused, looking at her for a long moment as he caught his breath. “But you will. If the Detective makes it back here in time.”

***

Chloe pulled up in front of her building with a screech of tires, killing the engine and racing for her apartment. It had taken her longer to get here from the penthouse than she’d anticipated, and she was acutely aware that every second counted. Fumbling with her keys, she finally got the door unlocked and wrenched it open, making a beeline up the stairs to her bedroom, yanking the box out of the drawer and sifting through her keys again for the tiny, delicate silver key that unlocked it. 

There. The feather illuminated the inside of the box, bathing the velvet lining with its own halo of light. It was impossible to mistake this feather for anything other than what it was— a piece of Divinity. Gently she picked it up, surprised as always at its incredible softness, and tucked it securely into the inside pocket of her leather jacket. 

Ignoring the mess she’d left behind, Chloe turned and raced back down the stairs and out the door, barely remembering to lock the apartment as she went.

Two weeks. That was all they’d had together. She shook her head, rejecting the negative thought. They hadn’t dealt with his true nature, his parents’ manipulations, her engagement to the world’s first murderer, demons, her attempt to send him back to Hell, the literal mother of all humanity, end-of-the-world prophecies, and reclaiming— and then renouncing— his Hellish throne for her to give up now. She flicked her lights and sirens on again, pushing her cruiser as hard as she dared on her way back to Hollywood.

***

They looked up as the elevator dinged and the doors slid open.

“I’ve got it,” announced Chloe, rushing to Lucifer’s side, blanching a little at the pool of blood that had spread across the couch and dripped onto the tile floor. “What do I need to do?”

“Just put it on the wound,” Maze told her.

“Right.” She reached into her jacket pocket, then hesitated. If Ella saw the feather… even if she didn’t know it had come from Lucifer’s wing, she would know it was a piece of Divinity. The Devil, angels, demons, Heaven, Hell… she’d know it was all _real_. Did they really want to deal with all that right now?. “Ella, maybe you should leave.”

“No.” Lucifer shook his head weakly. “Miss Lopez can stay.”

“Lucifer—“

“She’s going to know anyway, Detective.” Lucifer smiled at Chloe. “Whether she sees it or not.”

Chloe stared at him, tilting her head indecisively. 

“Miss Lopez stays,” Lucifer repeated. “But get Mr Stabby over there out of here, will you?”

Chloe raised her eyebrows but refrained from commenting on Lucifer’s decision, before looking at Maze. “Where can we put him?”

“Walk-in closet?” Maze suggested with a shrug. 

Chloe nodded; Maze grabbed the attacker’s arm and frog-marched him down the hallway, returning a few seconds later and joining Chloe and Ella at Lucifer’s side. 

Chloe pulled the feather out of her pocket, noting the look of absolute awe and wonder on Ella’s face as Ella focused on it and the absolute truth of what it was visibly dawned on her. She didn’t have time to deal with that now; Lucifer was looking greyer by the second. “It fell from your wing, the night you left,” she told him, getting a smile in return. “Okay. You ready?”

He nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

Chloe handed the feather to Maze. “You know what to do with this, right?”

The demon nodded as she grabbed Lucifer’s shirt on either side of the cut in the fabric and effortlessly tore it open, lifting the material over the hilt of the knife. 

“You two humans better cover your eyes.” Maze warned them. “This will get… bright,” 

Lucifer gestured weakly to his bared torso. “Too bad, seems a shame for you ladies to miss out on all of this.” 

Chloe’s lips turned up in a hint of a smile as she raised a hand to cover her eyes, then she realized that Ella was still mesmerized by the feather. She grabbed Ella and tugged, pulling the other woman’s face into her shoulder as she squeezed her eyes closed and pressed her face against the top of Ella’s head. A pain-filled grunt from Lucifer let her know that Maze had pulled the knife from the wound; she braced herself, unsure what was coming next. In spite of her best efforts, a sliver of Divine light leaked past her eyelids and dazzled her a bit; as she dealt with the dizzying array of colourful spots the light left on her retinas, she heard Lucifer sigh in relief.


	3. Chapter 3

Lucifer sat up, his blood-soaked shirt and jacket hanging open, and sipped at the glass Maze handed him.

"See, Miss Lopez?” Lucifer winked. “Told you I'm not a method actor."

Chloe elbowed him lightly as Ella began to giggle semi-hysterically. “Lucifer!”

“Careful Detective, I’m a recently wounded man!”

Chloe took his hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, I could use another drink and a change of clothes, but otherwise I'm fine." He cast another look at Ella, who was still giggling to herself. "In all honesty, I'm more worried about Miss Lopez."

“Ella?” Chloe asked gently. “You okay?”

Ella wiped away tears from the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry, it’s just—a literal angel almost died trying to save me. Lucifer, thank God you’re okay.”

“Can we not?” Lucifer grimaced. “I don’t exactly have the best relationship with my Father.”

“Where did the feather come from?” Ella gushed. “I mean, do you have wings? Are they invisible, or—“

“No,” Lucifer scoffed. “They’re just furled.”

“Furled?” Her eyes lit up. “Can I see them?”

Chloe chuckled. “You know she won’t let up until you show her.”

“For goodness sake,” Lucifer muttered, standing up and moving into the space between the couch and the armchairs, checking to make sure he had enough clearance. Rotating his shoulders, he let his wings extend. 

Ella dissolved into slightly hysterical laughter again. “OH EM GEE! You’re a freaking angel! What do you even say to an angel? Oh! Oh!” She grinned a bit madly. “Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Oooh sorry sorry, not funny, plus you and Chloe are totally a thing and HOW COOL IS THAT?!"

Lucifer shook his head in bemusement and tucked his wings away, going back to the couch and sitting down next to Chloe, taking care to avoid the bloodstain. 

Some of the excitement left Ella’s face. “But that means that all that stuff about being the Devil—“

“Is the truth, yes.”

“Wait, that makes you King of Hell, right? Should I be calling you Your Majesty?”

“What? No!” Lucifer laughed. “For one thing, you’re not a demon, and for another I _was_ the King of Hell, Miss Lopez. I’m not anymore.”

“You’re not?” Ella asked, confused.

“No, I abdicated… oh, a couple of weeks ago. Took some time to find someone to take over, but anyway.”

“You abdicated? Wait— that’s where you were?” Ella’s eyes widened as the penny dropped.

“That’s right.” He smiled at Chloe. “My life is here now, on Earth.”

“Hang on. You gave up your throne to come back to Earth… to be with Chloe?! Oh my gosh, you guys.” She lunged forward and hugged both of them. “That is so sweet!”

“Anyway. _Anyway_.”

Ella took Lucifer’s hint and released them. 

“This isn’t quite the reaction I was expecting, Miss Lopez.”

She waved a dismissive hand. “Ah, the Devil gets a bad rap.”

She looked up as Maze stalked back over to the couch. “If Lucifer’s an angel—”

“Fallen angel,” Lucifer put in.

“Fallen angel,” she corrected herself. “What does that make you?”

Maze crossed her arms over her chest, giving the newest celestial insider a challenging glare. “A demon. And we _don’t_ get a bad rap. We get exactly the rap we deserve.” Maze switched her gaze to Lucifer. “What are we going to do about the guy in your closet?”

“Yes, very well, Maze. I suppose we ought to get Mr Stabby out of there.”

Maze stalked off toward Lucifer’s closet, returning a couple of minutes later dragging the rumpled assailant behind her, his feet now bound together with tape in addition to his wrists. The man grunted as he thumped down the steps into the living area of the penthouse in her wake. He gave a pained cry when she reached down and ripped off the strip of tape she’d secured over his mouth.

"You there, Mr Stabby-" Lucifer called to Maze’s prisoner.

"My name's Steve!"

"Fine then! You there, _Steven!_ What was so bloody important that you had to endanger this young woman's life and perforate my guts?"

Steve’s spine straightened as much as it could, given his restraints, as he suddenly remembered his original purpose in seeking Lucifer out. "I just wanted help for my sister! She thinks she has this awesome new boyfriend but he's just grooming her to be one of his street whores! You didn't even listen, man, you just blew me off!" His face reddened in a mix of anger and desperation. "I just want that asshole away from my sister!"

Lucifer paused, then set down his drink. “Maze, release him.”

“But-”

“I _said_ let him go.”

Maze grumbled, but reached down and cut the tape around Steve’s wrists and ankles before jerking him to his feet.

“Thank you Maze, that will be all.” Lucifer said as he rose to his feet and gestured for Steve to join him at the bar. “I apologize, I wasn’t aware of your sister’s situation. Tell me more about this new beau of hers.”

He and Steve talked quietly at the bar; Steve’s initial distress gradually calmed as Lucifer’s expression grew grimmer.

Chloe looked at Ella, catching the baffled expression on her face.

“Ella? You alright?”

“That guy. He nearly killed Lucifer, and now Lucifer is going to help him?” “Well… yeah. He helps most people that ask him for a favour.”

“But the guy is crazy!”

“Not crazy. Desperate. But they all are.” “I don’t understand.” “He’s the Devil, Ella. You don’t make a deal with the Devil unless you’re desperate.”

“And what, now Lucifer gets his soul?”

Chloe laughed. “No. No, nothing like that. He’ll owe Lucifer a debt— a favour to be repaid, that’s all.” She paused, giving the younger woman a look. “Most of what you know about the Devil is wrong. Knowing the truth about Lucifer… it’s not always easy. And trust me, your life is about to get really strange.”

“Deal.” Lucifer suddenly said from the bar area.

As Ella watched on, Lucifer shook his attacker’s hand before turning to Maze, a wicked grin on his face. “Maze, care to do the honours?”

The woman Ella now knew to be a demon gave Lucifer an answering grin, spinning the curved dagger she’d pulled from Lucifer’s side around on one finger. “With pleasure.” Maze stalked towards the elevator, guiding Steve along in front of her.

“Right. Now that’s done, I’m going to shower and change.” Lucifer kissed Chloe and disappeared up the stairs and out of sight.

Ella blinked at the sudden switch back to normality. Chloe pressed a glass full of what Ella recognised to be tequila into her hand.

“Here. You could use this.”

She nodded. In the last few hours, she’d been held hostage, seen her friend— the one that had just bounded up the stairs like nothing had happened— nearly bleed to death, discovered that everything she’d taken on faith actually existed, witnessed an honest-to-God miracle, and watched a human make a deal with the Devil. And if Chloe was right, this was just the beginning of the craziness.

She raised the glass and drained every last drop of tequila.

_~fin~_


End file.
